Random Facts

I don't want you to think I haven't been learning just because I haven't been posting. Here are just a few random facts I've picked up over the last few days:

Four days ago I learned: that Mother's Day was originally celebrated as Mother's Peace Day. Julia Ward Howe issued the Mother's Day Proclamation in 1870 in response to the impact of the Civil War. (It's a beautiful piece - brief - and I encourage you to read it) Lisse over at the Soccer Mom Vote points out - "Mother's Day was made official by Woodrow Wilson in 1912, but the "Peace" was left out of it. Two years later, World War I began." Chocolates and flowers are great, but as too often happens to women - even in 2007 - our aspirations and ideas are minimized. Mother's Day has gone the way of Christmas with its commercialization when what we could really use right now as wars continue to rage around the world are Howe's words and her inspiration to act.

Three days ago I learned: that bamboo is like, uber-wood, except that it's actually a grass than can be used in more than 5,000 ways! Used in everything from surfboards to furniture, fuel, textiles, food, medicine - even to build homes! - bamboo can be grown on every continent except at the Poles and at alarming rates. Giant bamboo can grow more than three feet in a DAY which means that 60 feet of bamboo can be replaced in 59 days while the same size oak tree would take more than 50 years! Bamboo is also great for the environment - releasing 35% more oxygen and absorbing four times as much carbon-dioxide than an entire forest of trees. (For more fun bamboo facts check out The Ecologist Online.

Two days ago I learned: that my older son is the sweetest four-year-old on the planet (although I previously had my suspicions.) He explained to me, on Mother's Day no less, that "No matter what I do; No matter where I go, I will still love you." Tissues anyone?

Yesterday I learned: dairy cows produce EIGHT gallons of milk per day! (Thank you, Buster Baxter for that fast fact.) It may not seem like all that much when you consider that the average American consumes about 6000 ounces of dairy products annually, but as a mother who breastfed both of her children - That's a lot of milk!!

Today I learned: Pink has a song I actually like. (Thanks, Cheryl!) Dear Mr. President is emotionally raw (although the live version was better) and political and real . . . and it puts my FAVORITE president in a not-so-flattering light :)

Mother's Day

I had planned an elaborate, well-thought out Mother's Day post that would honor mothers everywhere. I had planned to do some research about the beginnings of Mother's Day and talk about what it has evolved into. I had planned . . .

Instead, as my tribute to mothers everywhere, I did something that most mothers do daily - I ran out of the time and energy to put together what I had previously planned to do.

So I will be enjoying a simple, quiet Mother's Day working in my backyard with my husband and my two sons. I will enjoy a quiet dinner and evening and will maybe even get some reading in before I sit in front of the television tonight for my weekly indulgence of "Desperate Housewives" and "Brothers and Sisters." And then I will quietly drift off to sleep (probably with a child in my bed next to me.)

Here's wishing the rest of you moms out there a pleasant, safe, relatively quiet, without sibling squabbles and whining, Mother's Day during which I hope you can find some time to yourself where you can just be you - while receiving chocolate and flowers, too :)

One Day in the Life of a Stay-at-Home Mom

By some fluke of nature, we have acquired some new married friends that have no children yet. We are ecstatic for many reasons. A. They have a pool, B. bedtime for them depends on how early they have to get up the next morning and C. Everything my 2-year-old does is "soooooo cute" (including tantrums, large messes and weird eating habits). This couple just moved in 2 weeks ago and today is his first day working at the same company the hubby works at and she doesn't start her job for another 2 weeks.

Last night, we had dinner with them and went swimming for Memorial Day. I was semi-confused when she kept asking me, "So what do you and your son do all day?" I was confused because none of my other mommy friends ask that question. I guess it's just understood what a stay-at-home mom does. I couldn't really answer her question on the spot because I was so taken back (not to be confused with offended) that she was actually asking me this. But after much thought, I think I have come up with an answer that would suffice.

I think that what happens when you have a toddler is that everyday processes like getting dresses and eating breakfast take 5 times the amount of time that they normally would take. For example, taking a bath. We (meaning me and the babe who is usually working towards the opposite goal) have to first clean a path large enough through the rubble to get into the bathroom, then I carry the toddler, who is screaming over and over again "I don't wanna take a bath!" into the bathroom, I somehow manage to get all his clothing off and pry his legs from the sides of the tub so that he is semi-submerged in the water when he remembers that he quite enjoys the bathtub! So he plays while I take a break pausing to look into the mirror (I would not recommend this step very often, it's quite shocking). We wash the babe off and let the water out which is celebrated with more screams, "I don't wanna get out of the bathtub!" After all the water is drained and my son has laid spread-eagle in the tub until he can no longer take the cold anymore, I force him to get out and get into his towel. This is the end of the bathtub experience. He is not dressed yet because that is a whole other process that takes much more time and bribing.

I am convinced that if I only had to get myself up, dressed and fed I would return to being a normal person who could get more accomplished in one day than laundry, eating 3 meals and the dishes.

This post was written as part of this month's Blog Exchange where the prompt was to pick one of your best previously written posts. This entry comes from Kendra over at Dramatized Reality. She has a 3-year-old son and a 6-month-old daughter. When she’s not keeping busy with her children, she likes to play the piano, scrapbook, read and sew.

Nancy’s "Best of" post can be found today over at Dramatized Reality. Click here to check out the other posts this month, and to get more info on the blog exchange.

Just Checking In

Well, I've still got the sniffles and I haven't had a decent night's sleep in, oh, three days? But I wanted to check in with my online comrades and let you know that, yes, I am still here.

It was a nice weekend. My older son didn't have school on Friday because we got some icy, snowy mix in the A.M. and there was a delay to the start of school. Since he only goes to school in the morning, well - snow day! We took advantage of the time off by making it a "pajama day" where we don't change out of our jammies all day. It was low key and I was feeling rotten, but we still managed to do our Dr. Seuss reading. When I asked if my boys wanted to read "The Cat in the Hat" they were all over it. My younger son picked "Green Eggs and Ham" while my older son offered up the suggestion that we climb into my bed, pull up the covers and read there. Great idea.

We read our books, we cuddled and my older son made me grin from ear-to-ear as he often does: "Mommy? I love books. They teach us about everything!" Just another example I can look to when I'm feeling unsure that I'm doing anything right with these two precious lives.

My need to imprint our reading time was especially important to me that day because I had just read this extremely sad post I had stumbled upon at one of the mommy blogs I read. This mother had been blogging through the nine months of her pregnancy, posted a notice when it was time for her to go to the hospital two weeks after her due date, posted a short entry about Walker's birth and then wrote a final entry about the death of her newborn just five days after his birth.

When I read it I was almost moved to tears. I'm more of a visual person when it comes to crying, but this one almost changed all of that. The other thing that kept me from crying, I think, was the strength and vision of this grieving mother. She wrote about all these blessings that she was able to find during those heartbreaking five days and yet her devastation is palpable. I'm sure she isn't as together all the time as she was in this particular moment - I mean, I don't think I could get myself out of bed ... I don't even want to think about it.

So when I was reading with my boys I was sure to give them an extra big hug; to look deep into those twinkling blue and chocolate brown eyes that so obviously hide so much; I let my heart ache for a few moments as I fought the urge to scoop them both up in my arms and hold them until, well, until the world couldn't hurt them - EVER.

Although I've thought of baby Walker from time to time over the last few days, our lives haven't really changed. I've tried to treasure my moments with my children just a little more, but I know that months or weeks or even days from now I'll snap at one of my boys for being too loud or for hitting his brother or I'll forget to just stop during my busy day and just be with them.

For little Walker's mom, well, she'll never forget her little guy because he'll always be with her in his absence. Why is it that it takes something so sad to make me remember how lucky I am?

Day Five: Winding Roads, Christmas Tunes & Sweet Smelling Soap

Another day into December, another day checked off on the countdown to Christmas and another day of gratitude.

Today I am grateful for my friends - two wonderful ladies in particular who I met through my husband, before he was my husband and we were dating. They're both moms, they're both beautiful people inside and out and, as luck would have it, our kids get along great too :)

So I took a long, peaceful drive up north - an hour in duration - while listening to the all Christmas music all the time station and my four year old's interpretation of said music's lyrics, my two year old sleeping peacefully in the back, watching the snow flurries blow over my windshield - never settling on it; just brushing it like a feather ever so slightly only to be carried away by the wind. It was a truly relaxing activity.

And of course the real fun began when we arrived at our destination. There were seven, count 'em SEVEN, kids running around and when I say running - I mean running and jumping off of furniture and knocking one another over, so one mommy cleverly suggested we brave the cold temperatures outside and let the animals, er children, roam free.

Getting bundled up to go outside was another experience, that while taxing, was humorous as well. Boots wouldn't go on straight. Thumbs were lost in mittens. Winter hats missing. I believe my hostess could accurately be quoted as having said, "This is worse than putting on sunscreen." But once we made it out into the cold and the sun our charges were free to release their pent up energy, scream, yell, chase, climb - nothing was off limits.

When we all got too cold to stay outside any longer, the moms popped in a video and shared good conversation in between toy disputes, falls and reminders about using "inside voices." And if the conversations we have are any indication, it will be the moms of the world who solve the problems of the world.

So that was my afternoon. It was wonderful in its simplicity. And in case you're wondering about the title - I am also grateful for the sweet smelling soap that Shannon always has in her bathroom. My hands still smell like strawberries and that makes me smile, too.

Day Three: My Mother's Birthday

Today I am grateful for my family - that we are all healthy and happy again - but today I am particularly grateful for my mother. You see, today is my mother's birthday. We had her over for dinner, the boys and I had made a cake and so "Happy Birthday" was sung (my four-year-old was the loudest, as he pointed out to all of us) and candles were blown out with assists from her grandsons and a grand night was had by all.

And I realized that although I don't say it often enough - I don't even think it very often - I am very grateful to still have my mother in my life. Not only because she helps out A LOT in the babysitting department; not only because she loves me more than anyone else every could (and I know that now because I know how I feel about my own two children) - I like having her around just because she's, well, my mom.

She can drive me crazier than anybody else can; Sometimes it feels like she pushes my buttons on purpose; Other times I just want to scream while she retells the past and distorts it to suit her needs (then again, don't we all?) - but I know how very much I would miss her if she wasn't around to drive me so crazy :)

Over the past couple of years I have watched my mother age not just in years, but in physical wear and tear as well. It's scared me a little bit. Overall my mother is in good health, but she's had more trouble over the past three years than she has for probably most of her life - nothing life threatening - but the years have started to have an effect.

So today I'd like to take a moment to appreciate my mother for all she has done, for me and my entire family, for all that she has tried to do out of love for us and all the things she will do in the future just because she wants to help out.

Thank you, Mom. It's nice havin' ya around :)

Ladies, It's Time to Stand Up & Be Counted

Yes, today is November 1st. And yes, I should be adding to my word count (which currently sits at 0 as you can see by the meter to the right) for NaNo. And yes, my blog will probably suffer this month because I won't be able to keep up with both (plus the website I'm working on, the novel writing class I'm taking, oh and my kids and husband, housework, etc.), but this issue is just to important to ignore.

I subscribe to the Moms Rising email list and I was sent an email yesterday regarding the upcoming midterm elections on Tuesday. Are you ready for this?

"Women are the largest group of non-voters in America. Nearly 20 million women didn't vote in 2004, and they are therefore "The Deciders" in election outcomes. They could not only alter the political playing field, but could make an entire new field all together."

Go ahead. Read it again. That's right. Twenty million women DIDN'T vote in 2004.

Of course there are a thousand reasons why they didn't ranging from "I didn't have time that day," to "I forgot," to "One vote doesn't matter anyway." But as you can see, one vote times millions of other women who thought the same thing ABSOLUTELY made a difference in 2004.

So I am asking all you female registered voters out there - and I mean ALL OF YOU - to make a point of going out and voting on November 7th. And while you're at it, encourage the women in your life to vote as well. We can complain all we want about lack of availability of quality child care, we can complain about the gender wage gap, we can complain until we're blue in the face that the wealthy (mostly male) representatives in Congress don't give a damn about you and me - but the only way any of that will change is with your vote. It's one of only two languages (the other being $$$$$) politicians understand.

So get out and vote, ladies!! This is important. This is worth putting on the calendar. This is worth making time for. If we don't help ourselves, certainly no one else will volunteer.

The "F" Word

I posted this entry over at the Philosophy Blog War, so if you like it please vote for it here. Thanks!

When I was a young, perky college student, one who believed in the potential for good in the world, I believed in a thing called "Feminism." In fact, I was proud to call myself a feminist, even though I was not a die-hard (read bra burning, combat boots wearing woman who was filled with hate for all things male), I did believe that women have systematically gotten a raw deal. When I was in my early twenties, I also believed that I could do something about it by supporting other women who also proudly identified themselves as "feminists."

Now I'm not so sure.

It just seems to me that the current climate involves feminists attacking other women for their personal life choices, ie stay at home mothers vs. Mothers who work outside the home. There seems to be this condescending attitude by feminists aimed at SAHMs because by staying outside of the corporate rat race these women are somehow not living up to their potential. After all, why wouldn't a mother want to "have it all?"

In my experience, staying at home to raise your children is looked upon as a cop out, as not "real" work and I think that much of that stems from a mother's work being unpaid. But just because a SAHM's work isn't figured into the GNP doesn't mean that is isn't work and that she isn't making a contribution to society. Of course, proponents for SAHMs have their own views on the subject - mothers who are at home with their children 24/7 are often elevated to sainthood, while mothers who go outside the home to work are accused of leaving unnecessary emotional scars on their children for selfish, personal reasons.

This is where my problem with feminism comes in . . . Shouldn't feminists be working toward the equality and liberation of ALL women instead of attacking one another for the choices they make?

When I was that young, perky college student I thought feminism was about choice. The idea that as a woman I should have the right to decide what direction my life would go and not be hindered by sexism for any reason. Yet, that's not what I see today. I see two very different viewpoints, in direct opposition with one another, both calling themselves feminist.

While I understand that quite a few sacrifices were made by women that came before us so that we have the opportunities to vote, to work outside the home and receive (almost) equal pay, to change the image of women from a species completely dependent upon male assistance for survival - Weren't those women making all of those sacrifices so that today's women had a choice to make, whether it be paid or unpaid work, and not feel like another lifestyle is being forced on them?

And yet while I write this I realize that I may be adding to the difficulty faced by women in these times. After all, by calling into question the motives and viewpoints of other feminists, aren't I contributing to creating that wedge between the different factions? Aren't I doing the dirty work of those who like to see dissention in the ranks, in so far as it protects their standing in the world?

What's a girl, er woman, to do?

Crazy Days of Autumn

I've been selfish lately. And I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Lately I've been very focused on my own needs - and tonight was a perfect example. Yet my conflict stems from my not feeling conflicted enough - I mean I'm not mad at myself for being selfish, I'm more upset about not being more upset regarding the lack of time I've been spending with my children . . . Let me try to explain.

Over the last six months or so I have rediscovered the writer inside me that has been dormant for years. I've been writing short stories, blogging (obviously), journaling and now I'm thinking about writing a novel - something I have been thinking about doing since I was a teenager. I've always had this feeling inside that I have something to offer the world of publishing. I just always felt that it was meant to be, but like many things in my life, I've had trouble putting in the work and have struggled with the follow through.

But over the last six to eight weeks my desire to write a novel has grown and with NaNo coming up in a little over two weeks, my drive and focus has intensified. I've got an outline going, I've got characters running around inside my head, random scenes written on notecards (I've even color coded them and for anyone who knows me they know that I've never color coded anything). I've purchased a couple of How-To books and I'm currently reading some non-fiction regarding the topic of my novel.

This is where the selfishness comes in.

I worked at my "day job" today, then came home and hung around with my boys. My youngest was in desperate need of a nap (read whining incessantly) and my oldest son was doing anything he could to increase the volume of his brother's whining. So I laid down on the couch with my little one and he quickly fell asleep on my chest.

After a while, I gently moved my precious sleeper off of me and headed to the computer. I checked my email, I checked my myspace page, my writing group forums . . . Meanwhile, my older son was watching tv. I know, I know - Motherly sin of all sins; letting the television babysit my own child. There's guilty seed number one.

I continued to work on a short story I'm trying to finish before NaNo until my son woke up. I went back to the couch to hang out and then my sister called. I knew what she was calling about, I had left a couple of messages for her, so I figured it would be a quick call. Well, I started talking and couldn't stop. I just started going on and on about her wedding, an aerobics class we want to start taking, family stuff, relationship stuff, my writing stuff . . . an hour, and several attempts by my children to get my attention later, I realized it was getting late. Guilty seed number two.

It was dinner time - past what would usually be referred to as "early bird" dinner and our usual mealtime, so I made some chicken nuggets and the two boys sat down to eat. I wasn't very hungry and so I skipped eating (until I had some cereal, alone, about an hour ago) and started reading a book. When the boys were done I was still reading, so I let them play together for a bit. There was some friction (probably because they were trying to get my attention) and finally I exploded about all the fighting and the yelling and the running in the house . . . Guilty seed number three.

I sent them into the bathroom for baths, got them dressed for bed and did our nightly bedtime ritual of reading books and tucking in - too bad I was putting them to bed 45 minutes late. Perfect for my older son who has to wake up and go to school tomorrow morning. Guilty seed number four.

But while I feel guilty for taking time out to do what I want, when I want, too, I don't feel that guilty and I feel worse about not feeling guilty enough. Does that make any sense?

I know that I am a person and not only a mother and therefore have the right to do my own thing. I'm a strong proponent of that very mantra in fact. But I know that between work and my own timeouts I'm not giving my children the best of what I have to give. In fact, I'm short with them and lax in keeping their routine. Yet, I don't want to give up the time I take throughout the day.

And that's even before I start thinking about the state of my relationship with my husband. We work opposite schedules. We watch a lot of tv and spend plenty of individual time on the computer. We read. Basically the time we have together is spent doing individual activities - kind of like what's referred to as "parallel play" with toddlers. And so when I devote large chunks of time to my writing when the boys are asleep and my husband is home - there's guilty seed number five.

So I think that while we have been taught we can have it all - we can't. There are always sacrifices that must be made and things we will miss out on. The question is how do you balance it so that one person isn't always making the sacrifices, the same person isn't missing your presence in their life and the guilt doesn't eat away at you?

I don't think that I need more hours in the day (I'm exhausted enough as it is), but better management of my time - Something else to think about I guess.