Family

Well, I don't usually do this but here is the post I wrote last night for my weekly reflection over at my other website. My (baby) sister is getting married this weekend and so you properly assess that I am a bit emotional. I've been thinking about seeing her for the first time in the hospital nursery; about arguing with my other sister over who was going to help my mother give her a bath or, yes, even change her diaper. I've been thinking about a lot of things as she gets ready to start the greatest journey of her life in promising to share a life with someone else.

I'll keep the sappiness down to a minimum (that will be for the letter I'm writing her personally) but the feelings I've been having made me think of the following quote and the following is what came out of my heart.

So good luck Kelly and Nick . . . We ALL love you and will help you in any way we can both before and after you become Mr. and Mrs. Starting your own family is a lot of work and takes a lot of compromise and you'll have plenty of disagreements, but I haven't found anything else that makes me so happy and I wish the same for the both of you.

So here is the entry that you two have inspired:


"The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have." --- Ring Lardner

Family comes first; Blood is thicker than water; Family is your greatest support in times of difficulty and your biggest fan when you succeed - so the greeting cards read.

We are born, with any luck, into a family headed by two strong parents who love one another. By watching our parents interact we learn about love - love for our brothers and sisters and future children, romantic love and most importantly a love of ourselves. Our parents do their best to instill in us a sense of should and should nots, respect for others and the very Earth we inhabit, a sense of responsibility for not just our own personal actions, but for the actions of people we choose to spend time with, a thirst for knowledge and education - our parents, in fact, teach us to be human.

That's quite a tall order to fill.

Many parents find themselves overwhelmed with the responsibilities of raising a child at one time or another. Some parents find themselves unable to fill the role from the beginning and choose to give their child to someone else better prepared. And still others don't know what to do and so stumble along, unassisted, and just do the best they can knowing that it might not be enough.

No matter how hard they try, parents are not perfect. They make plenty of mistakes and their children, whether intentional or not, will have scars from those mistakes and those things which just couldn't be anticipated. It is impossible for children to go unaffected by divorce, death, neglect, over-indulgence, etc. Yet, scars don't have to be a bad thing. After all, scars are the remembrance that a previous hurt or injury has now healed. A scar can be a reminder.

And so, if you worry about the family you come from; if you find it necessary to seek help in dealing with the past you share with your loved ones; if you find that your family isn't as supportive as you'd like or they're always finding a way to influence your personal decisions - remember that the most important thing you can do is to choose the right partner, when the time comes, for you to build a life with outside of your previous familial cocoon. The right partner provides you with the chance for a new beginning.

Find the person who will compliment your weaknesses with their strengths.

Find the person who you want to fall asleep next to every night and wake up before in the morning just to watch them sleeping.

Find the person whose little ticks and habits don't annoy you to the point of wishing them dead.

Find the person who believes, as you do, that love and time are the most important things you can give a child.

Find the person, not who makes you feel complete (you should already feel that way before you even start looking), but who provides you with a different perspective and experience through which you may view yourself and the world.

Find the person who when you are working on an endless project at work, getting no help or praise for the extra hours and effort you're putting in, who when you go outside at the end of the day to a flat tire and no spare and it starts to rain will come to your aid (with a tire or a tow truck) and while your soaking wet and angry will hug you and kiss you and suggest a long, hot shower when you get home.

Find someone who makes your heart sing, especially when it doesn't want to, and take that person's hand and walk together into the great unknown. It's a risk - the greatest risk you can ever take really - but it also provides the greatest rewards.

Random Facts

I don't want you to think I haven't been learning just because I haven't been posting. Here are just a few random facts I've picked up over the last few days:

Four days ago I learned: that Mother's Day was originally celebrated as Mother's Peace Day. Julia Ward Howe issued the Mother's Day Proclamation in 1870 in response to the impact of the Civil War. (It's a beautiful piece - brief - and I encourage you to read it) Lisse over at the Soccer Mom Vote points out - "Mother's Day was made official by Woodrow Wilson in 1912, but the "Peace" was left out of it. Two years later, World War I began." Chocolates and flowers are great, but as too often happens to women - even in 2007 - our aspirations and ideas are minimized. Mother's Day has gone the way of Christmas with its commercialization when what we could really use right now as wars continue to rage around the world are Howe's words and her inspiration to act.

Three days ago I learned: that bamboo is like, uber-wood, except that it's actually a grass than can be used in more than 5,000 ways! Used in everything from surfboards to furniture, fuel, textiles, food, medicine - even to build homes! - bamboo can be grown on every continent except at the Poles and at alarming rates. Giant bamboo can grow more than three feet in a DAY which means that 60 feet of bamboo can be replaced in 59 days while the same size oak tree would take more than 50 years! Bamboo is also great for the environment - releasing 35% more oxygen and absorbing four times as much carbon-dioxide than an entire forest of trees. (For more fun bamboo facts check out The Ecologist Online.

Two days ago I learned: that my older son is the sweetest four-year-old on the planet (although I previously had my suspicions.) He explained to me, on Mother's Day no less, that "No matter what I do; No matter where I go, I will still love you." Tissues anyone?

Yesterday I learned: dairy cows produce EIGHT gallons of milk per day! (Thank you, Buster Baxter for that fast fact.) It may not seem like all that much when you consider that the average American consumes about 6000 ounces of dairy products annually, but as a mother who breastfed both of her children - That's a lot of milk!!

Today I learned: Pink has a song I actually like. (Thanks, Cheryl!) Dear Mr. President is emotionally raw (although the live version was better) and political and real . . . and it puts my FAVORITE president in a not-so-flattering light :)

Happy Valentine's Day

Myspace Graphics

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day . . . May you be with the ones you love, romantic or otherwise, on this day and for many more years to come.

And if you don't have any romantic notions on this day when love is forced down your throat - treat yourself to some major chocolate intake. Chocolate never disappoints :)

Day Twenty Two: My Mind is Numb

I truly have very little to say tonight. Nothing exciting happened. Nothing cute to mention. Just an ordinary day.

Although I did talk to my dad today and I haven't talked to him in, oh, probably close to a year? That's probably about right. The last time I talked to him was probably Christmas 2005. But he called me the other night on my birthday and left a message. I finally got a chance to call him back today. It was nice hearing his voice. It wasn't as awkward as it usually is with lots of prolonged silences as we try and think of what small talk we can discuss. No, this was a nice visit. I think because it wasn't very long and since it had been so long since we talked I had a few things to report and we talked about my sister's upcoming wedding and then he had to go to work - so short and sweet. Probably for the best. He wished me a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, although he said he hoped we talked before then, but he said it "just in case." That probably means I won't talk to him . . . but today was nice and I'm grateful to have heard his voice if nothing else.

Other than that I've got nothing, so I thought I would share an email that my mom forwarded to me the other day. Kind of a cheesy one, but I liked it. And as the stores fill with grinches and grumps doing their last minute shopping (none of whom do I have to run into since I'm finished thank goodness) and complain and gripe at retail staff all over the country - this should give us all something pleasant to think about; something to shift our focus just a bit.

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the questions straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners .

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care .



And the ones who love you even when you're in a grumpy mood for no good reason. And the ones who forgive you for snapping at them even when it's not really them you're angry with. And the ones who love you, every little bit of you - especially the parts you don't love about yourself - and give you a hug at the end of every day, just because.

Look around and be grateful for the people like that in your own life. And let them know how grateful you truly are.

Day Seventeen: Awwww, Shucks! It's the Holidays!

I was tagged by Gretchen and usually I don't do these things, but I don't really have anything else exciting to write about today, so here goes:

A - Available or single: Aren't those the same thing? I'm married

B - Best friend: Steven, Kelly Leigh, Shannon, Cheryl, Danielle (One for each of my many personalities ;)

C - Cake or pie: Yellow cake with chocolate frosting

D - Drink of choice: water (Strawberry Daquiri on special occassions)

E - Essential item you use everyday: toilet paper

F - Favorite color: blue

G - Gummy bears or worms: I don't like eating squishy things (I have a whole neurosis surrounding food and texture)

H - Hometown: Zanesville, OH

I - Indulgence: going to bookstores and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

J - January or February: January- it's my sister's birthday and we're closing on the house!!!

K - Kids & names: Liam and Owen

L - Life is incomplete without? My THREE boys, my mom, my sisters & my closest friends

M - Marriage date: October

N - Number of siblings: 2

O - Oranges or apples: Orange juice

P - Phobias or fears: spiders and getting into a car accident on the highway

Q - Fave quote: This is a tough one. I'm a quote junky. This week I guess it would have to be: "I feel the greatest gift we can give to anybody is the gift of our honest self." -- Fred Rogers

R - Reasons to smile: What's not to smile about? (Besides the wars in Iraq & Afghanistan, Dubyah's entire presidency, poverty, starvation, the AIDS epidemic, homelessness . . .)

S - Season: Autumn

T - Tag 3 or 4 people: Shani, Cristina & Christina - No pressure, ladies ;)

U - Unknown fact about me: I have a slight purse obsession

V- Vegetable you don't like: a shorter list would be those that I do - green beans, cooked carrots and ... that's about it!

W - Worst habit: procrastinating

X - Xrays: shoulder

Y - Your fave food: Whatever my husband cooks for me

Z- Zodiac sign: Sagitarius


So after completing this little diddy, I've decided that today I am most grateful for Cheryl (aka Cherlito, Gretchen Wallaby, Franklin . . . ). I am grateful for her love, friendship, humor, inspiration, support, our (almost) weekly phone conversations, her willingness to take a chance (with me), but most of all - I'm grateful for her LOVE.

Yes, it's worth mentioning twice. Her LOVE is so powerful it warms the Earth (but not in a bad way like global warming), it brought her beautiful daughter into the world and it makes me feel young and carefree just like when we were in high school; we were insepararable then (along with Myrtle may she RIP) and even with several states between us, I'm glad we've found our way back again.

OK. No more mushy stuff.

P.S. I'm also grateful that I got to watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas" AGAIN tonight with my boys. Just when I thought that movie couldn't get any better, it did.

P.P.S. Thank you to Shani, as well, who sent me the most beautiful virtual flowers today. In fact, I posted them here on the blog and apparently they change weekly. Thank you, my friend!