"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950).
I've been into the quote thing lately. Maybe it's because the writing group I'm in sends inspirational quotes all the time. Maybe it's because I've been busy and a little lax in writing my own material as of late. Maybe I just like to know what other people are/were thinking at any given moment in their lives.
As some of you may know, I've been trying to figure some things out lately, trying to find some direction or rather a different direction for my life to continue in. I seem to be on this five to six year cycle where I get tired of what I'm doing and I want to move onto something else (job wise). Maybe that's because all I've ever had in my life is a "job," not a "career."
But there are things my husband and I wish to do - move out of the city, buy a home of our own with a big backyard where the boys can have a swingset - just find some space where there isn't an overcrowding problem and people aren't living on top of you (or in our case below us). And it's difficult to make these things happen when I currently hold a seasonal job and don't collect a paycheck for a few months out of the year.
So I've been thinking. Do I want to go back to school and finish my degree? Maybe. I was never good at school though. Something about having to attend on a regular basis - I hated professors who actually took attendance and penalized those who were absent more than twice. Please! I'm an adult (most of the time), yes? I'm paying to attend college, yes? If I can still do well in a class where I don't have to be there all the time - why should I have to be? But I digress. So I'm thinking about school because I'm thinking about pursuing something that would definitely require a degree - maybe even a Master's eventually. Imagine that.
But I don't know. I would have to work while I go to school, so that puts things a little further off in the distance and as I said, I'm thinking of change NOW. And then there's this writing thing. I'm so much happier when I'm doing it, but how to bring in the $$$$? (Oh I wish money was not an issue in EVERYTHING we do!) I mean, I have a couple of ideas for short stories (how do you sell those?), even a novel, but again - it will take time and a lot of luck. For those of you who know me well, patience is not one of my virtues; when I've made up my mind to do something I want to do it right in this moment.
But maybe that's a lesson I have to learn - patience. If it's what I really want, then I need to take the necessary steps to do it even if it takes some time. But maybe my real fear is that what I think I really want won't be what I want in another five years and then I spent all that money and all that time and now I want to do something else!! Which may be why I liked the Shaw quote this morning. (I bet you were beginning to wonder whether I'd ever get back to that quote, weren't you?) Mistakes aren't really mistakes, are they? We choose to make them, even if by accident, and if we're smart, we learn from our mistakes which makes them very useful over a lifetime.
I don't know. This got really personal. I'm not usually like this. Maybe I'm just tired after waking up at 5:00 a.m. every morning for the past four days and going to bed around 11 p.m. every night. Maybe I just needed to get it all out there so that I can clear my head and think. Sometimes seeing things staring back at you, in black and white, laid all out - the answer comes.
Thanks for listening. I promise lots of political and cultural sarcasm and angst in my next entry. Until then I am off to the beach for the next few days . . . Just enjoying my husband, my children and NOT thinking.